“I will never hold you. I will never kiss your forehead or brush your hair out of your eyes. I will not know your laugh, nor your cry. I have no face to remember you by…In this life, I will never know you in any other way than a thought, a memory and a prayer. Our time together was short but you will always have a piece of my heart.” – a grieving mother of an angel child

October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. The fact is ONE in FOUR women experience this. Maybe it is has been you, a sister or friend. But it IS someone you know. Some choose to speak out about it, others remain silent. The pain is there regardless, the loss is real. I know because I am a grieving mother of an angel child.

I knew I wanted to write this blog because I believe it’s one of those topics that doesn’t get enough light shown on it. But I haven’t known what to say until now… it’s not much but it’s from my heart so hang in there with me if you would like.

To the mothers of the unborn, the born sleeping, and the ones born that left too soon: I see you and I feel your loss.

To those who want to provide comfort to someone who has experienced this kind of loss, please read below. Some of the things might be dependent on the type or timing of loss- ie miscarriage, stillborn, infant death. Also remember, if the loss is recent, the person might be in physical pain/discomfort, hormonal fluctuations, extreme fatigue etc :

• Simply hold her* hand, give her a hug and/or sit in silence (*his as well if it was a father-to-be, men can experience this loss too, please don’t forget that)
• Tell that person she is not alone
• Chocolate, tea, coffee and/or other little edible gifts are totally acceptable
• Offer to help her with chores, errands and potentially watching her other children for a while (if she has them)
• Just listen…
• If you know the person well, and if it seems appropriate, ask her about the lost child- name, did she know the sex, what had she envisioned about being the child’s parent etc
• Remind her it is ok to not feel ok
• If you know of any local support groups, a good grief counselor, or religious leader in your community- don’t feel shy about offering up that information (she doesn’t have to act on it)
• Send funny (depending on her character), sweet or meaningful text messages/emails frequently
• Help her plan something in the near future that she can look forward to
• Walk and talk (exercise is sooooo good for us!)

As a gentle reminder, TIME has an amazing way of allowing us to heal. However, just because someone has experienced something like this long ago doesn’t mean that a little bit of acknowledgement of her loss wouldn’t be appreciated.

Well, I’ve said about all I can say on this for now.

To those who KNOW what it feels like to live missing a piece of your heart…